It’s been three months since the passing of my devoted friend and companion for over a decade, not just a pet, but a piece of my heart given the shape of a cat, a blue-point Himalayan female named Sammy.
Three months…and it still hurts just as much now as it did then when she went to sleep in my lap, the last thing she remembered being me.
This is a good thing, the pain is good.
And it’s something I hope never goes away, for it shows I still care.
It shows that unlike my online alter-ego and other characters I’ve imagined, I’m human, and being human is good.
Sure, the pain is still there, it never dulls, but it gets more bearable with time.
I miss her.
At least she can’t miss me, that’s some comfort…
That, and the fact that she still lives…not in some imaginary afterlife in somebody’s mythological version of Heaven, not in some fairy-tale Paradise beyond the material world, but in the minds and hearts of those who knew her, who remember her, beautiful to the very end.
I wish that she would continue in some Other Realm, but I have no reason to believe in such a place, and I won’t confuse that wish, my hopes, with fact. I have no need to dress up Reality with anything supernatural, no need to supplement what is with what I want to be. That would be a fool’s errand, and I would rather stare the world in the face as it is than look at it with the rose-colored glasses of feckless naivete and delusion.
As long as one person on Earth remains alive to remember her, she will never die, and indeed has gained a sort of online immortality through this blog. I miss you Sammy, and I hope I never stop, for then it is I who am truly dead. Be forever.
And so do I ask my readers: